Professor’s arsenal of bribery expands to include booze

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Philosophy Professor David Boersema said he would follow the lead of other faculty members and result to bribes to get students to enroll in his classes.

“Chris Wilkes serves his students tea and cake,” said Boersema, “And I have to protect our enrollment.”

Boersema said he would provide students in Philosophy of Vice class with cigars and sippin’ whiskey next semester.

“I was thinking of just giving them money,” he said, “But I can’t on my Pacific salary.”

Boersema said the quality of the cigars and whiskey would depend on how many students enrolled in the class pointing out that his “office annex” behind Duniway House would not hold many students.



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