Pacific Introduces money-saving vocational classes

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Pacific University has announced the creation of an effort to boost university finances. In a message from the administration the school announced the formation of a for-profit educational branch, the Pacific Institute for Moneymaking Programs (PIMP).

While we are still a liberal arts college, we must recognize that liberal arts is dead. We need to offer more programs that students are interested in,” said a press release from a university trustee.

The new institute will offer degrees in cosmetology, medical transcription, medical assistant, veterinary assistant, bookkeeping, convenience store management and any other field where there are jobs available.

“The program will be totally self supporting,” said a senior administrator. “There will be no financial aid and all the courses will be taught by adjuncts.” He/ she said adjuncts would be paid according to the number of students in their classes, earning $100 for each butt they put in a seat. He did admit there would be some sacrifices to the current A&S college. “We will have to cut the history and philosophy departments to cover the start up costs. But how many jobs are there in philosophy or history.”

In addition, there will be changes in other departments. Media Arts will switch its foci to basic web design, basic camera operation and editing and technical manual writing. Members of the board of trustees voiced enthusiastic support for PIMP.

“Academics is old fashioned and overrated,” said one member. “We need to give students what they want. Just look at the success of ITT Tech, Everest, Carrington and all the other fine institutions of higher learning out there. We need to be more like them.”


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