Student Parking

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Pacific will say goodbye to sports and hello to free parking with President Lesley Hallick’s announcement that Hanson Stadium will be used as a parking lot.

“Students have been complaining for years,” Hallick boasts. “But the sports teams have become too happy, so this was an easy choice to make.” The original plans included the demolition of Hanson Stadium, but costs were too high.

To help pay for the eventual demolition, the field will serve as more than a parking lot. “The school still values entertainment, so in place of football games, every Friday Pacific will host a golf cart demolition derby,” says Hallick.

The school is also managing bets for the derby. Early bets show Hallick, also known by her derby name Lesley Hell-ick, and her “golf gutter” golf cart as the favorite to win the inaugural match.

The university also has a plan to help gain participants. Any student who parks on the field Fridays will have their car used as a prop for the derby and will be given a golf cart to compete in. Students who opt out of the derby will have to pay a fee of $200 dollars to remove their car from the field.

“I am hopeful this change will cause more panic when it comes to parking on campus,” says Hallick. “But the real win is bringing some culture back to Pacific through golf cart derbies.”


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